15 / 05 / 2025
8 Minute Read

What’s libido?

 

In many languages, this word sounds very similar and concerns both women and men. But what are we talking about when we are referring to libido? How does it manifest? Do all of us are confronted to it? Are there different kinds of libido? How does libido work exactly? In this article, I will attempt to answer these questions in order to give us a better understanding of what libido is all about. 

 

What is libido?

One of the first definition of libido originates from Freudian psychoanalysis, where libido was seen as the energy of the sexual instinct. Over the years, the word connotation slightly changed into a broader and more biologically grounded definition.

Today, one could describe libido as a person’s innate or experienced capacity for sexual desire or drive, encompassing the psychological, emotional, and physiological factors that motivate sexual thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. So, libido should not be reduced to just a biological impulse. It is rather a complex and dynamic expression of sexuality, living in each of us, shaped by body, mind, and environment. It can fluctuate naturally across time, life stages, and circumstances.

You may wonder how this libido manifests itself and if men’s libido and women’s libido are similar… Let’s dive a bit deeper into the topic.

 

What do we know about women’s libido?

In case you did not know it yet, I allow myself to remind you how complex female sexual desire can be as it is influenced by more than just hormones. In other words, a woman’s libido will generally involve a combination of emotional well-being, self-image, relationship dynamics, and overall health.

Cultivating a positive self-image, keeping a high self-esteem and reducing body shame is key for a woman to let her libido shine. By practicing sensual activities (massages, dancing…), she can awake that desire. Mindful self-touch and exploring what feels good can also help increase bodily awareness and pleasure.

Because sexual desire in women is often responsive and contextual rather than spontaneous, reading erotic literature for instance, watching romantic or sensual content or engaging in role play or fantasy can greatly contribute to ignite a woman’s libido. More often than not, the mind of a woman will need to be stimulated and allow time for mental anticipation and emotional build-up to arouse her libido. As opposed to men’s libido, the libido of most women does not just require physical readiness to be revealed it also needs mind preparedness.

Doubtlessly, feeling emotionally connected to a partner enhances sexual desire for many women. Open, honest communication about needs, preferences, and boundaries can definitely reignite intimacy. Sometimes initiating closeness (without expectation of sex) can gently awaken libido.

To help keeping their libido at a high level, women should everything that can kill it, including stress and anxiety. But this last tip applies to men too… Let’s now discover what drives libido in men.

 

What do we know about men’s libido?

Libido of men is not just about testosterone—it’s also shaped by stress levels (Chronic stress is a libido killer. It increases cortisol, which competes with testosterone) but not only. Indeed, other factors such as, self-esteem, health habits, and psychological well-being also play a big role in men sexual vitality. However, the level of testosterone is very much connected to the “drive” of a man’s libido.

Men who know this and care about their libido are usually very much into physical activity, especially strength and cardiovascular training, boosts testosterone, energy, and body confidence. They are also very choosy in what they eat as they are well informed that a diet rich in whole foods (vegetables, healthy fats, lean proteins) supports hormonal balance and circulation. Finally, these men will make sure to always get enough sleep because poor sleep lowers testosterone and increases stress—both of which suppress libido.

Not only women need to engage their mind and imagination to increase their libido. Men need to do that too! While reading erotic literature or listening to stimulating audio are activities in which a higher number of women than men seem to take part in, what tends to be an arousal for men is what can excite them visually, such as erotic pictures and videos, watching pornography…

A very important point to mention about men’s libido is that their sexual desire is closely tied to how they feel about themselves and their relationship. If they have the feeling of pursuing meaningful goals and staying true to their values, this will play a big role in boost their confidence, their self-respect and ultimately, their libido.  Even though physical attraction plays a huge role in a man’s libido, when he is in a stable relationship, nurturing emotional intimacy will be more and more important as being loved and accepted for who he is, often enhances his libido.

In men’s libido is a reflection of overall vitality—tending to their mind, body, and relationships lays the foundation for sustained sexual energy.

 

Libido: What’s the clear differences between women and men?

So, having outlined the major characteristics of what stimulates libido in men and women, how can we sum up these differences?

As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, women more often experience responsive desire, meaning desire builds in response to emotional connection, touch, or context (not always from a sudden internal urge). But don’t get me wrong: this doesn’t mean that women feel less desire—it means it activates differently. Female libido is influenced by a broader hormonal interplay (estrogen, progesterone, oxytocin…), and tends to be more cyclical (influenced by menstrual cycle, pregnancy, menopause…). Women are also more likely to need a sense of safety, emotional connection, or being desired to feel sexually open. Context heavily shapes their arousal, of course. Regarding stress, it tends to dampen libido in women, especially if it's emotional or relational. Yet, women may face more conflicting messages: they’re expected to be desirable, but not “too” sexual, which can inhibit desire or expression.

Men on the other end are generally more encouraged (culturally) to express desire, pursue sex, and link libido to identity. They are more incline to use sex as a way to relieve stress or tension—though chronic stress can still impair desire biologically. In contrast with women,

men can often separate sex from emotions more easily (though not always), and desire can arise in neutral or even negative contexts. Men are lean to experiencing more spontaneous desire—they may feel sexual interest without external prompting, often triggered by visual or physical cues. Lastly, testosterone plays a major role in male libido, and levels correlate fairly directly with desire.

In this summary I show some general differences between how male and female libido often functions. As one would expect, these differences aren’t absolute but reflect patterns shaped by biology, psychology, and social conditioning.

 

Are there people who have no libido at all?

Good question! Research into libido issues still has a long way to go. Indeed, it's still hard to explain why some people have a disproportionately high libido (nymphomaniacs) and others have almost no libido at all (asexual). So, to answer the question of this chapter: yes, there are individuals who have zero libido.

Why so? Well, certain physical or hormonal conditions both in men and women can lead to low or absent libido. These include hormonal imbalances (low testosterone, thyroid disorders, menopause…), chronic illnesses (cancer, diabetes, cardiovascular disease…), medications (antidepressants, hormonal contraceptives, anti-androgens…), neurological disorders or injuries.

Mental health has also a strong influence on libido. Depression and anxiety can for instance significantly lower sexual desire. The same applies to stress, trauma, or past abuse which may result in avoidance or disconnection from sexual desire. And as I’ve already pointed out, low self-esteem or body image issues, regardless the gender can inhibit libido. To counter this situation, some will consider supplements or therapies under medical advice (maca, testosterone cream…).

Does your partner show low to no libido at all? The answer is probably listed in the lines above…

 

Libido: What to keep in mind?

To sum up, here is what you should remember about libido.

Women can drive their libido by reconnecting with pleasure, managing stress and fostering emotional intimacy. Libido is not linear in a woman—it can evolve, fluctuate, and be reawakened with attention and care. Women’s libido is responsive, a complex mix of hormones, often emotional or relational and can increase or decrease under stress effect. 

Men can enhance or "drive" their libido by focusing on the interplay of physical, mental, emotional, and lifestyle factors that influence sexual their desire. His type of sexual desire is more spontaneous, mainly driven by testosterone, often visual and physical and with a libido that can be suppressed if under stress.

Have you learned something about libido? I bet you did! ;-)

 

Janet – The Velvet Rooms

 

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