15 / 06 / 2025
7 Minute Read

Cunnilingus: Why men love it but women much less?

 

What is cunnilingus?  Let me first give you my short version of the definition: Cunnilingus is for women what blowjob is for men! Now, the more polished version of what is cunnilingus: A form of oral sex in which a person stimulates a partner’s vulva, particularly the clitoris, labia, and vaginal opening, using the mouth, lips, and tongue. It is typically practiced as a way to give sexual pleasure and can be part of foreplay or a sexual act in itself. Cunnilingus can be part of intimate activity between women and men or between two women.

Now that we all know what cunnilingus is about, let’s talk about the differing attitudes toward that practice and why men tend to enjoy giving cunnilingus whereas some women show discomfort receiving it.

 

Why may some women dislike or avoid cunnilingus?

That’s a good question! Although many women perceive cunnilingus as a form of closeness and enjoyment, it’s crucial to understand that some of them may feel uneasy about or even avoid this practice entirely.

A prevalent reason is body image and feelings of shame. Some women may feel insecure about how their bodies appear, smell, or taste. In cultures where there is still stigma attached to the female body and sexuality, these insecurities can be heightened, resulting in discomfort with receiving oral sex.

Previous trauma is another important consideration. Women who have gone through negative or non-consensual sexual experiences—even if those incidents did not involve cunnilingus—might link any form of intimate contact with distress. These emotional scars can hinder their ability to feel safe or relaxed during such activities.

Another reason for some women not being into cunnilingus so much is the lack of trust or emotional closeness. Cunnilingus typically necessitates vulnerability and a sense of intimacy. Without a solid foundation of trust, a woman may find it challenging to unwind or feel at ease in such a vulnerable and sensitive situation.

Additionally, some ladies may simply not find pleasure in oral sex (yes, and more women than you might think fall into this category). And if on top of that, it is performed without effective communication, sensitivity, or skill, the experience can come across as mechanical, uncomfortable, or disappointing. Instead of feeling cherished, that woman might feel as though she is being subjected to something that provides her with little enjoyment.

Lastly, cultural or moral beliefs can influence a woman’s perspective on oral sex. In certain cultural or religious contexts, cunnilingus may be viewed as taboo, inappropriate, or even shameful. These ingrained messages can shape a woman’s feelings about the act, irrespective of her partner’s intentions or behaviors.

For numerous women, their reaction to cunnilingus goes beyond the act alone; it encompasses the wider emotional, social, and psychological backdrop in which it takes place. Your partner does not want you to lick her pussy? Well, now you know why…

 

Why many men find joy in giving cunnilingus?

Did you have any doubt about it? Men get a lot of pleasure in providing cunnilingus!

One prevalent reason is the joy of giving pleasure. Many men derive profound satisfaction from witnessing their partner's arousal or orgasm. The ability to provide such enjoyment can be fulfilling, both emotionally and sexually. For these guys, their partner's pleasure is not just rewarding—it is arousing in its own right.

For some, there may be an aspect of erotic power dynamics at play. The experience of concentrating solely on a partner's body—without the immediate expectation of reciprocation—can be exhilarating. There exists a sense of surrender or devotion in this act that many men find incredibly stimulating, as it prioritizes their partner's needs and sensations above all else.

On a sensory level, some men simply appreciate the physical sensations—the taste, scent, and texture of their partner’s body. For them, cunnilingus transcends being just a means to an end; it becomes a form of sensual engagement in its own right.

Of course, cultural influences, such as pornography and peer discussions, can impact perceptions of men towards cunnilingus. Media may shape expectations or preferences, sometimes portraying oral sex as a sign of attentiveness and skill, though this portrayal is not always realistic. In some instances, men may cultivate an interest in giving cunnilingus as part of a larger narrative about being a “good lover.”

For another category of men, giving a cunnilingus is a fetish they have, and they're capable of licking their partner's pussy for hours on end without stopping. Concentrating on their own pleasure, they forget about their partner's.

 

Is there a particular way of giving a cunnilingus?

To all men who are wondering if there is actually a technique in giving a good cunnilingus, cunnilingus, let me tell you that yes, there is a way for the experience to be enjoyable for her too… Cunnilingus can be an intimate and highly pleasurable experience when done with care, communication, and attentiveness. While there is no single correct technique, certain principles can enhance comfort and enjoyment for both partners.

First, start your cunnilingus slowly and gently by caressing and kissing areas around the vulva, such as the inner thighs and hips. Avoid rushing directly to the clitoris; instead, build anticipation with slow, light strokes of the tongue around the labia and outer areas. Teasing and gradual exploration can be far more effective than immediate intense stimulation.

Then, focus your cunnilingus on key areas. The clitoris is the most sensitive part of the vulva and often the primary source of sexual pleasure. Begin with gentle, indirect contact, as too much pressure too soon can feel overwhelming. Explore the labia and vaginal opening as well—gentle licking, sucking, or touching these areas can enhance pleasure. The clitoral hood (the fold of skin above the clitoris) is another area that responds well to slow, circular tongue movements.

Once you’ve discovered what your partner enjoys, maintain a consistent rhythm. Vary your technique with different types of tongue movements, such as flat, broad licks, soft flicks with the tongue tip, or light suction. A playful tip: try tracing letters of the alphabet with your tongue to keep the sensation dynamic and unpredictable. ;-)

Think of paying attention to your partner’s responses to your cunnilingus—her breathing, body movement, and vocal sounds are valuable indicators of pleasure. You can also ask open-ended questions like, “Does this feel good?” or “Would you like it softer or faster?” Encouraging her to guide you builds trust and ensures a more satisfying experience.

Remember that using your hands while giving cunnilingus can enhance stimulation. You might gently part the labia, hold her thighs, or stimulate other erogenous zones. If your partner enjoys penetration, you can combine cunnilingus with gentle fingering—but always ask or observe her comfort.

Finally, try to focus on presence, not performance. Cunnilingus should never feel like a task or a performance. Being fully present, curious, and attentive to your partner/girlfriend/wife’s enjoyment is far more important than trying to achieve a specific outcome, like orgasm. Pleasure is in the experience, not just the goal.

As a little bonus for you, here are my 4 No-Go: things you should absolutely avoid during a cunnilingus:

1. Avoid using your teeth or applying too much pressure (that area is very sensitive!)

2. Don’t ignore verbal or physical feedback (she may not like what you are doing but may not dare share it with you)

3. Avoid making the experience feel rushed, mechanical, or self-serving (that’s a very important point that may turn off a girl. The problem here won’t be the cunnilingus per se but rather the way you do it…)

4. Be mindful not to stop abruptly when your partner is nearing climax (hence, keeping an eye on her reactions and body language)

 

What to do if you love giving cunnilingus and your partner don’t like it?

Well, first of all, do not feel as if your case was an exception. You would be very surprised to hear the number of women who do not like cunnilingus and therefore won’t even let their husband lick their pussy, nor these women will give them a blowjob, as this recent scientific study shows: “Oral Sex Void: When there isn’t enough at home” by Leanna Wolfe, PhD, 2021.

Your woman loves reciprocal oral sex? Lucky you! If not and without any other alternatives available to you, the short-cut for most men is often to pay for sex. The vast majority of escorts in Switzerland provide natural blowjob and are comfortable with cunnilingus. However, I have met girls who did not offer that kind of experience. This is why, always make sure to communicate openly your desires and your expectations before meeting with an escort, especially with an Independent Escort.

Cunnilingus promotes intimacy and connection. It necessitates physical closeness and a level of vulnerability from both partners to be enjoyed so, make sure to pick the right girl…    

 

Janet – The Velvet Rooms

 

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