05 / 01 / 2019
5 Minute Read

Becoming a "real" man: is it an achievable ideal ?

This is a common and recurring question. Becoming a "real" man, what does it mean?

If seduction is an area that interests you, you have probably understood that it is more a state of mind, a way of seeing things than a set of rules and approach techniques to follow when playing Don Juan...

The „real“ man wants to be an attractive man and not just a flirt

This is probably the first goal; the one most closely matched; the definition we could agree on; what does it means to be a "real" man. One shouldn’t seek to multiply adventures, just for pleasure. Aspirations are more important, more noble. One cannot behave like a lovesick teenager all his life; flirting with every other woman he meets.

This man that many of you certainly aspire to become is attractive by nature and does not attract women with tricks. He is simply himself. Confident, charismatic, serene.

How did he get that way ? Probably through real introspection; allowing himself to develop certain characteristics:

- He shows emotional detachment: seduction is not an absolute necessity for a confident man. If he is attracted to women, the interactions he develops are considered enriching, regardless of outcome. He has no particular expectations, he is simply able to enjoy the present moment. A confident man never gets caught up in what others may think of him. He is himself and if that doesn't please others...he goes on his own merry way without caring.

This does not prevent being in love, or expressing feelings, but it does prevent him from desperately trying to find a partner for the night or to question himself too deeply if he is single. He appreciates socialization and does not put everybody in a category, which is part of his charm.

- He is proactive: The real man we are talking about is proactive; he always has something to do. He has projects, tries to multiply his interests and never dismisses challenges. He reads, researches, and inquires. Always looking for something new, he keeps abreast of developments in his world.

He always considers an outing and tries to meet people from all walks of life. He knows that personal enrichment comes from exchange. He is also willing to work hard. Work is a key value for him. He knows that effort pays off and if failure ensues, he will be able to put it into perspective because he understands that it is part of the learning process.

- He is respectful and not arrogant: a real man does not brag, does not try to pretend to be someone he is not and does not rejoice in conflict. Even jokingly, he will not belittle others or claim superiority. He welcomes divergent opinions without imposing his own. He recognizes the right for all to exist and does not try to coerce others to fall in line.

- He pays attention to himself, but above all does not neglect his intellect: the true man, contrary to the image that one can sometimes have of him, does not spend his life at the gym to perfect his muscles. While he takes care of himself, he also knows that physical appearance is ephemeral and that it is his way of thinking that matters most; he is open-minded. He is thirsty for knowledge and promotes his own brand; he does not parrot other people’s viewpoints. In short, he is a self-thinking man.

A „real“ man is always self-developing

Rather than being guided by materialistic wishes, or sticking to stereotypes, this man that many women dream of understands the importance of working on himself.

Happiness is not made of money, assets or possessions; he understands that very well. He therefore seeks to improve, and, not just react to or obey social pressures. Thus he values the simplest things; focuses on his relational skills and avoids the trappings of being a macho caricature.

He does not hesitate to oppose what is expected of him; he seeks to multiply experiences that contribute to self-knowledge. From far out-there sports to learning how to cook or garden, he sees hesitation as a handicap to leaving prejudices aside. What matters to him is feeding his soul.

As such, a "real" man is a creator. He likes to be at the origin of things. He is able to paint, draw, and write. Not for the beauty of the result, but for the respect of the process.

He doesn't claim to be unsinkable, untouchable; he has doubts and lives with his shortcomings, but his goal is to acknowledge prejudices, get to know himself better and define his own happiness. Even while lending an hear to others, he does not let himself be easily swayed by external opinions. He uses his own experiences and challenges to blossom as an individual.

The „real „man is not the the caricatured  testosterone ball so often portrayed in the media. He is not a violent person, who imposes himself through coercion or violence.

Quite the contrary; although able to defend himself, he neither seeks conflict, nor does he run from it when inevitable. Objectives and tools to improve his daily life are more important than petty squabbles.

He knows where he’s been and where he's going to. Seduction is one of the many tools that make him attractive. He does not seek to please, just wants to be, with all that it entails. Respect is paramount. Wherever he goes, he leaves the same impression: a serene man, an example !

A „real“ man does not need comparisons or seek them. He knows his worth and being himself is all that is needed for the respect of others. He is therefore not selfish, even when aware of his needs.

So you're probably thinking that it's very difficult to fit into that description in every way, right ? Thus the word "ideal". Although close to it, the description of the „real“ man does not really match that of the Alpha male…at least not the caricature of the alpha male portrayed in everyday life...

But why ? Because men do not need to impose themselves as leaders, or be dominant, to become real people. They just need to be and follow the right path for themselves!

Does that „ideal“ man lie in you?

 

Janet for TheVelvetRooms

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